i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
