Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
