The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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