Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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