I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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