I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she looked like the before picture.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
