Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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