I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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