He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
