There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
