I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize