The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
