it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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