well I can't set my house on fire every night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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