I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
