I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
