My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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