I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
