The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He has the fingertips of a God
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