I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What drink are we having for lunch?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
as a side note pls kill me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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