after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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