I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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