I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
ok first of all what the fuck
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
