just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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