True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sext me about skeletons
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
