You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
