He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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