nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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