Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
