While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
