lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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