i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
