well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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