I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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