all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
