we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
