I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
