my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
