Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
