you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
