i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
