I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
