I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
