I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
