"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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