$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
