my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
