eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
