How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
