apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
