I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize