I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize