The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
