Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
