nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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