I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
