Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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