Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
