i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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