I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
