What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
