If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
