thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
