So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have already put on my inside pants.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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