i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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