So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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