What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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