i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So drunk its hurt
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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