I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
