dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
