spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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