We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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