she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize