Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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