I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
